Baby Came! (FHE 2)

Baby finally came! And yes, she made her appearance on our second FHE of 2015. Actually, she was the main event of the FHE, which was just as we'd hoped (if you remember our theme for January FHE activities was "baby").

Baby Smith was due on January 3...but that day came and went without a baby. I was excited to see her but also didn't feel any super rush. However, many others tried to help hasten her arrival. For example, Dallas kept offering to spike my orange juice with castor oil while family and friends suggested using certain foods, oils, or massages to kickstart the process. Saturday evening, January 10th, Dallas and I were sitting at the couch. I believe Dallas was working on math and I was just thinking. I realized that in some ways I hadn't felt ready for baby to come. I felt like I needed to say a prayer and share that I was now ready for her to come, if the time was right. I quietly went to the bedroom and said a prayer, sharing my feelings and that if baby girl was ready, I was now ready and excited for her to come. I felt peaceful and calm and believed that baby girl would at least start coming within the next day.

Dallas and I have church from 1:30-4:30 p.m. During the last part of church, while in Relief Society, I began to feel back pains. I mentioned this to Dallas as we left church. He grinned and said, "You know what that means?" I laughed because he had said this about everything I had said during the last few weeks. For example, if I told him I felt like my nails were growing super fast he would respond with that same question and grin. For Dallas, anything I said or did, meant baby was coming. But this time, I really did think baby was coming and told him so. I could tell he was excited but I think he was also guarded...he didn't want to get his hopes up too high.

That evening we were planning to go to my parents. My sister Renae would be there and she had a bassinet that we would need for baby. This was something I had been worried about, so knowing that we would be getting one that day also made me feel more ready for having baby girl. For a moment I considered not going to my parents, in case this really was labor. I soon bagged that idea because I figured it would be good to keep myself occupied and besides, it's always fun to see family. I was also pretty certain that this was probably just the beginning of labor and from what I'd heard, labor could last a reeeeeally long time. So I might as well keep myself busy.

We got to my parents around 5:30 and began eating dinner around 6:30. The back pains had continued and whenever they came I would walk into my dad's office and continue pacing until they went away. Initially, nobody noticed. There was enough going on that me walking toward the office didn't catch anyone's attention. However, by the time we sat down for dinner and I would get up and leave the table, people began to notice. Well, at least my parents and Renae. They turned to Dallas and said, "You might be getting a baby tonight." "What?" asked Dallas. He hadn't noticed. They pointed out that I was getting up from the table quite frequently and holding my back and that these were most likely contractions. As soon Dallas heard that, he snapped into future-daddy mode. He got a yellow pad of paper and began timing my contractions and how much time lapsed between each one.  He did such a great job following me around the house and making sure I was doing okay. To make things easier, Dallas found an app on his phone and started to use that to record my contractions.

By 9:00 p.m. the contractions were 5 minutes apart and each lasting at least a minute. We decided we'd better head home. Renae offered to come with us, but I thought we would be okay for then. I wanted to go home and try to relax and do at least some of the things we had practiced with hypnobirthing. However, it was reassuring to know that she was ready and willing to come help whenever we were ready. I sat in the back seat so that I could move and stretch out more during the contractions. Dallas thought maybe he should drop me off at the birth center and then he would go get our birth bag (which he had had me pack about two weeks prior - Dallas is always prepared :). I told him no way. Number one, I did not want to be left alone. Number two, the birth center isn't open 24/7. And number three, I figured I still probably had a while till baby girl was coming.

When we got home, Dallas called the birth center. We had been told to call once the contractions were at least a minute long and 5 minutes apart and this had been going on for at least an hour. All of those things were true. However, I soon realized they were not enough. The midwife asked, "Can you walk or talk through contractions?" Of course I could! I didn't want to talk through contractions, but I could if I had to. And I walked through contractions because that hurt less than sitting or lying down. She responded, "Ah. Well, don't worry. Eventually you won't be able to. That is when you should come in." "What?!?" I thought things were already getting tough but apparently they weren't tough enough.

By 11:30 p.m. we called Renae and told her she could head over because I did not think I could hold on much longer and was pretty sure we would be leaving for the birth center soon. I was wrong. We ended up calling the birth center at least two more times before they finally gave the okay for us to come in. Our final phone call was at about 2:20 a.m. and they said to be there in half an hour. By then, I really was lying down during contractions.

Notice the red book...that's one of Dallas' math books. You know this
was a big night because rather than read it, he is focused on his phone
which was keeping record of the contractions - good husband :)

It's been a long night - this is probably sometime between midnight and 2 a.m.

I felt relief when we arrived at the birth center. I was excited for them to check me and tell me I was right to come in. I don't remember what all they checked, but for some reason they decided it was okay for me to stay. That was even greater relief to hear. While the midwives set up the birthing suite, Renae and Dallas stayed with me. The next few hours are hazy. My contractions had sped up to every three minutes before we got to the birth center and once we got there, I felt like they were coming even more frequently. The midwives would come in and check on me every once in a while, but mostly it was just me, Renae, Dallas, and baby girl. Renae and Dallas would switch off giving me counter pressure and pouring water on me when I was in the tub.

Getting my blood pressure checked

Dallas keeping record of the contractions

Feeling for baby's position

Dallas giving me counter pressure to help ease the pain

The midwives often directed me to squat - this would
hopefully give my body the needed pressure to open up

Dallas trying to rest while I laid in the tub

A bit before 7:00 a.m. I threw up everything. That was a real bummer. I knew that I would need lots of energy for labor so I had made sure to eat well during dinner. It seemed to do no good though because I threw up everything. At that point, the contractions slowed a ton and I felt exhausted. The midwives helped me and Dallas to the bed and we both tried to rest. The next thing I remember was the midwives waking me up and asking if I wanted a vaginal exam. I figured that was a good idea. After the quick exam they asked if I wanted to know how much I was dilated and effaced. I knew that in some ways, I shouldn't find out because it can be depressing to hear if one is not very far along. But, on the other hand, I didn't want to think I was further along than I really might be. I asked to know. She told me I was 3 cm dilated and effaced something like 30 percent. That is not very much.

I thought I had been working very hard...but these numbers did not sound so good. The midwife then suggested I go home and get some rest because I was still in early labor and already very tired (had been laboring for almost ten hours, practically no sleep, and now that I had thrown up - no food for energy). She was concerned I would not have the strength needed for active labor and pushing. She also said I could choose to stay at the birth center and they would give me some tylenol to help me sleep so I could rest and have greater energy. She left me so that I could think about it. I didn't need much time to think it out - I knew I did not want to go home. I felt like that would kill me mentally. I came here to have a baby and I didn't want to leave without it.

When the midwife returned, I told her that I would take her up on her offer for tylenol and to sleep at the birth center. She looked at me for a bit and then responded, "Actually, if you want to stay here, we are going to help you get into active labor." Before having me do some exercises, she first put me on an IV. I had not realized how totally dead I was until after I sucked up everything in that IV. That made a huge difference and gave me some fuel that I desperately needed. The next big help was the doula that arrived. I think Renae, Dallas, and I were all dead and I was definitely losing hope. The doula was a fresh face with fresh ideas for positions and ways to help this baby come. I think we all appreciated her being there.

One the doula's suggestions was to lean against
a chair; Dallas is giving me counter pressure.

By noon I had thrown up again. I don't know where my body found materials to throw up...but it somehow did. Once again, the contractions slowed considerably and I felt extremely tired. I rested for a while and the next thing I knew, the midwives were asking if they could do another exam. I said sure and hoped that this time there would be big improvement. They asked if I wanted to know and, of course, I did. I could tell from the way she asked that I wasn't super close to having the baby. I was dilated 5 cm and I don't remember how much effaced. Again, they got me up and tried to get me back into active labor. About that point I inwardly fell apart. I honestly did not know if I could go any longer. I burst into tears and cried on Renae's shoulder for a while. She cried too and I think it helped to know she understood or at least that she cried with me. I later found out that Dallas also broke down soon after that. I don't think either of us realized how hard this was going to be.

At some point the midwives also told me the baby was posterior. I think that might have been after that second vaginal exam. I felt super confused because she had been in the correct position for the last two weeks - how did she suddenly flip? The midwives explained that she had been on a different side (right or left, I don't remember) and that as she moved, she turned posterior. They suggested that could be why I was hurting so badly. To help baby get in the right position they had me do some more exercises. The first (and probably most difficult) was doing lunges during contractions. I would put my foot on the base of the bed and lean in with a lunge movement during the contractions, switching legs with each contraction. I did that exercise for about 45 minutes. It became extremely difficult - by the end I felt like there was no break between contractions.

After that I really wanted to get back in the tub. I remembered Rachel saying that helped ease her contractions. I asked if I could. The midwives first checked the baby's position. Even I could tell she had moved - when they listened to her heartbeat, they now held the doppler in a different place. But she hadn't moved enough. Therefore, no bathtub. Not yet. The midwives then had me sit on the toilet backwards. They put a pillow on the tank so that I could lean there. This was supposed to help me stay in the squat position without having to use as much muscle. It would hopefully help gravity open me up more as baby pressed against me. Although this was not as painful as doing the lunges, I still wanted to get in the tub. I asked the midwife if I could. She responded that I had made good progress but to keep it up I needed to do this position for at least 45 minutes. We then had a little compromising. I asked to do it for 15-20 and we settled on 30 and that she would begin filling the tub at that moment.

I think near the end of that exercise I lost track of time. Initially it seemed the 30 minutes would take forever but before I knew it, I got to get into the tub! I felt extremely excited. I had high hopes that the pain would greatly subside, so much so that I wouldn't want to get out. I asked the midwives if I would be able to just stay in the tub and have the baby there. They responded with "Of course - if that is what you want." I thought for sure I would want that. I got in and within about a minute the contractions started up again...and they were just as bad! I couldn't believe it and was so disappointed! Dallas got in with me and tried to help by massaging and pressing against my back. That helped a bit, but it still hurt.

The rest of the time I feel like I was getting in and out of the tub, sitting on the chair, leaning or lunging against the bed, wrapping my arms around Dallas, Renae, Emily, the doula, or anyone else who was around me, and squatting on the birthing stool. I kept switching positions hoping one of them would be the magic spot. I don't know if any one of the positions actually felt better but I think at least the variety and hope of things feeling better was helpful. I remember the midwives doing another exam - I faintly remember one of them saying I was dilated to 9, maybe 9.5 centimeters and I think she might have said 100 percent effaced. But at that point, I wasn't counting on anything, I figured I could be here for days. I had gotten to the point that I really didn't know if the baby was ever going to come.

I kept wanting to go to the bathroom and would leave the birth stool to go to the bathroom, but I couldn't go. While on the birth stool and again complaining that I wanted to go to the bathroom, the midwives and Renae all told me to push when I felt the need. I responded that I didn't want to push, I was afraid to tear. I remembered the hypnobirthing class emphasizing that we should be able to just breath the baby out - to be patient and not push too hard. Otherwise we most likely would tear. I really did not want that to happen. Renae and the midwives said, "Don't worry about it - just do what you feel." I began to push. I don't know how many times I pushed, but I don't feel it was very long. I think Renae said it was about half an hour.

This was the most encouraging time of the whole labor process. I began to realize that I must really be close. I'd seen the midwives bring in a cart with what looked like post-labor materials. And the most encouraging part were people's words. I was going to say faces but I'm pretty sure my eyes were mostly closed at this point. I could just see people's faces in my mind. As I pushed I heard, "She's coming...We can feel the head...Do you want to feel it.." I didn't want to feel the head - I just wanted to focus and help our sweet baby come out. The next thing I knew - the head had come and with it, the whole body! What a sweet moment! The midwives immediately placed her on my chest. Her little body was initially all curled up and she was crying nice and strong. Dallas was behind me and had been for a long time. I leaned up against him each time I pushed and a contraction came. I was so grateful he was there with me for the whole thing. He held me tight as I held Emma. It really was a sweet moment.

Renae took some videos of the pushing and the first five or ten minutes of Emma's life. As I watch those, I realize I hardly spoke for those first minutes. Neither did Dallas. We just held Emma. I think I was overwhelmed, but in a good way. According to the videos, Emma continued to cry for much longer than I remembered. She was so sweet - and still is. :) I loved the birth experience. During labor, I definitely did not think I would every say that. But looking back, I am so grateful for the experience and for all that were there to help me and most especially that Dallas was with me the whole time and that now we have our beautiful baby girl Emma. :)